my crazy love of reality tv

Hi. My name is Katie and I am addicted to reality TV. Almost every show I have a season pass for on the TiVo (the best and most important invention after the television itself) is some form of reality TV.

"American Idol" is just starting for the season. I adore the audition shows -- really bad singing and acting out are very, very entertaining. I have spent the last however many seasons trying to figure out if the people who can't sing are mentally challenged or spoiled or just insane. My conclusion is that most of these people have never had a lesson or performed for anyone aside from family and close friends. Because, if you have ever done anything for another observer, you know that the party who has no vested interest in you will tell you straight if you are good, bad, or indifferent. And I am proud to say that I can spot the bad singers right away -- they are the ones who are always talking about how fantastic they are and how singing is their way of connecting with the world. Uh, yeah. If either of those things come out of your mouth, you will suck. The people who are good just come in and sing. Also, if you wear a costume or have some gimmick, we all know you have not a nano-ounce of talent.

To prove that I am strange and lost in a time warp -- I also love "Skating with Celebrities". Because it is great fun to scream at the TV when the woman from Fox sports starts to skate, "Ringer! Ringer!" And I love that the judges are like a skating version of the "American Idol" judges. You have the hardass coach who is harsh and mean -- just like Simon. Dorothy Hamill is so Paula Abdul -- except that Dorothy was actually good. But she still wants to be nice and encouraging. (Also, is there a secret to Dorothy's youthfulness? She looks amazing.) And then there's the skating journalist guy who can be blunt or sweet, depending -- a very whitebread Randy. (He does need a codephrase like "Dog!", though.)

And, because I'm old and creaky, I must watch "Dancing with the Stars". Although the use of the word "stars" is debatable. Heh. This year, the stars are, in general, much more talented. And we have more of them! Every week when I express love for a couple, they are voted off. Sigh. I just love every cheesy moment of this show. Tom Bergeron's lame jokes. The outlandish arguing of the judges. All the crazy costumes! Don't even get me started on the batshit musical selections. Heh. Hi -- I'm a middle-aged mother with no desire to do anything but watch semi-celebrities try to dance.

Oh, and those are just the shows that are currently on. I am nuts about "America's Next Top Model". I never miss "The Amazing Race". Hell, I am sucked in by the drama and nuttiness of "Celebrity Fit Club". Gunner Nelson? Dude, you're not even remotely fat. (And you've had liposuction twice? I don't even know what to say.) And every season of this show has a contestant who goes off the rails in a spectacular, substance abuse haze.

Please don't hate me. I have a problem.