plumbing update.

The main pipe (clay and original to the house, built in the late 40s) is well and truly fucked. Last night, a plumber used a camera to seee the entire thing out to the city line and there are roots, tiny breaks, and one spot where the pipe is all bowed out and ready to collapse. The initial estimate is somewhere between $6500 and $15K.

Damn. That's a ton of money. I may have to sell organs. I may have to sell the kids' organs. What's the going rate for a kidney?

naked.

There's an episode of Friends where Ross has a fancypants award ceremony to go to. At the end, Rachel tells him she's going commando. And Ross gets all pant-y (pardon the pun). I asked Archie, "Is that hot? Do guys really like to be told by their partners when they're not wearing underwear?" Archie assured me that this was, indeed, very sexy. "But why? Is it because you'll sneak away to the restroom and have sex at the oh-so-chi-chi restaurant? Why?" "Because it's the idea that the woman is all naked down there. It's like the promise of sex. You wouldn't have sex on the table between the salad and soup courses -- but you could. Because there wouldn't be any underwear."

I think that's just stupid. I mean, there's no way to persuade someone that something they find sexy or arousing just isn't, but I think it's kind of lame. And since I prefer to wear undies, I've found a solution that cracks me up.

I whisper, "Honey. I am completely naked underneath my clothing!" Oddly, Archie doesn't find this hot or particularly funny. But it cracks me up every single time.

pity my husband.

Not right now. He deserves no pity of any kind, right now. But, since I am not a young mother, it is entirely possible that right about the time the girls get to become acquainted with the joys of Uncle Joe, I will be disenchanted with Communism. And, in all probability, we'll all be going through this at the exact same time every month. The poor man will be slapping estrogen patches on me and stocking up on Midol. He should probably buy stock in some premium ice cream company, because I'm sure we'll be spending a small fortune on that.

We'll be the House of Hormones. Pity my husband.

uncle joe.

Archie and I have a tendency to refer to my period in Communist terms. For instance:

Archie: Wanna get busy?
Me: No, I'm working on my 5 year plan.
Archie: Huh?
Me: I'm Stalin? Get it? Stalin. Stalling. It's a pun and you should figure out what I'm talking about.
Archie: Ha. That's funny. Why did I marry you again?

So, we were in the car and Archie asked if I was in the mood for some love of a physical nature. (The girls were also in the car and he used our super-secret, highly-confidential code phrase. No, I'm not sharing.) I said, "Uh, imagine it's 1988 and the Wall is still up." And he replied, "Oh. Uncle Joe's in town then?"

And I cracked up because Uncle Joe fits the whole Communist theme we have going on. (And yes, I'm slightly embarrassed I have a theme for my cycle, but not too embarrassed to share it with the internet.) Plus, there's a new Cockney rhyming slang angle because Uncle Joe and Aunt Flo.

Yeah. Hi, I'm Katie. I'm silly.

happy new year! take a bunch of money!

So, the plumber showed up this morning. And the way to start the New Year right is to spend over $500 before noon. On plumbing. I mean, it's a good thing to be able to take a shower without actual shit coming up out of the drain, but I'd rather spend $500 on something a lot more fun than a length of PVC pipe.

And the news just keeps getting better. We get to donate a few more thousand dollars to the cause of plumbing, probably in the next 2 weeks. Whee.

At least the plumbers are having a good start to the year, I guess.

noisy.

Today was fairly quiet. We took the girls for a walk -- the last walk of 2004. We had breakfast for dinner -- the last dinner of 2004. Then the last bath of 2004. (See a theme?) We let the twins stay up to watch the ball drop in NY. (Charlotte passed out right before 8pm.) Archie started a fire and we watched "Napoleon Dynamite."

Most of the evening was taken up with trying to get a plumber to the house because our pipes are backing up. Woo! Happy New Year! But no one could come until tomorrow. Hope the plumber isn't offended by the stinky adults.

So, Archie was making one last attempt at snaking the drain (not a euphemism!) and I was poking the fire (again, not code for something else). And the fireworks started. Hey, it must be midnight! I went out on the front porch to listen and watch the excitement.

Our neighborhood is very quiet. So it's amusing to listen to everyone go nuts. Apparently, several of our neighbors are having parties, because I could hear the noisemakers from across the street. And all the yelling. Then the car horns started.

If noise is the way to bring in the new year, my neighbors did it up right. Happy 2005.