Tuesday, June 27, 2006

my pet hate of the moment

I don't see a lot of commercials because we have the miracle that is TiVo. I love you, TiVo. Don't ever break, please.

Anyway, I sometimes see a commercial or two when I watch something in real time. Generally, I watch the program and then do something else during the commercials, like surf a bit or play a game or read something. It's so very 20th century.

Recently, my attention was grabbed when I heard this very plaintive, melancholy version of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". I looked at the TV expecting to see some sepia-toned vision of old-timey baseball -- like a Ken Burns ad for MLB or something.

What did I see? Soccer. (Or football, if you live somewhere other than the US.) I almost threw something through the TV screen.

It was an ad for Gatorade. And the US soccer team, all as hype for the World Cup. Oh my dear, sweet God, I hate soccer. I think it's boring and did I mention the boring? But, whatever, sell your colored water to the crazy kids who love the football. Except! Except, don't use the song that is about baseball! So wrong. That song is about another sport and for some bizarre reason it pisses me off that soccer is appropriating it.

Get your own damn song.

officially summer

The twins are at day camp. Last year, it was held at their elementary school and we walked back and forth. This year, there is a lot of maintenance work being done on their school (a new roof, all the classrooms being painted), so I have to drive them every day to another school because it's just too far to walk.

Last year, I was a terrible mother and packed them each a sandwich, some fruit or vegetables, and a dessert-y treat with a juice pouch. I was informed this would be completely unacceptable and that they wanted creative, delicious, varied lunches. Well, crap. So, after picking the brains of the Usual Suspects and getting some ideas, we came up with a menu for the first week. I bought them Sanrio bento boxes and the most adorable Hello Kitty tote bags to take every day. Also, wide-brimmed hats and sunscreen. I think Neutrogena is going to send me a personal thank you letter for all the sunscreen I've purchased. Yesterday, they had chicken nuggets, kiwi, a sourdough roll, and fortune cookies, with a juice pouch and some bottled water. Today, they have soba noodles (Lou wanted bits of seaweed and sesame seeds with hers and Bebe just wanted sesame seeds), edamame, and orange slices. With the juice pouch, water, and brownies. So far, no complaints.

Because I have to have our car everyday, we're taking Archie to work. This morning we stopped to get gas and the girls and I were watching a car go through the car wash. When Arch finished pumping the gas, he got back in the car and asked the girls what they thought of the car wash. They all said they thought it was very cool. And, we all got to sit in the car and go through the automatic car wash! Charlotte is still talking about it!

Friday, June 16, 2006


"...I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. "

Happy Bloomsday.

reason #5 why i love freakmont

The corkage fee at a fairly nice, very yummy restaurant: $10 per.

This meant that we could have two bottles of wine with dinner -- champagne and a bottle of the delicious Gamay Rouge -- for what a decent bottle from the wine list would have cost. Score!

Thursday, June 15, 2006


Oh, we have mice. I saw 2 running out from under the deck and across the driveway. I have decided that they are gay because I don't want to think about them having mouse sex and making baby mice. I am against lots and lots of mice. So, welcome to my delusional world where I declare that there are such things as homosexual mice who are just honeymooning under my deck after their very nice civil ceremony in Canada.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

she was really nice

Last night, I just could not get to sleep. And you know what? Even with DirecTV and the magical, mystical, oh-my-God-don't-ever-take-it-away TiVo, late night television is a wasteland. So I ended up watching a little bit of "Nightline" (a piece on the World Cup and the John Cleese-approved song "Don't Mention the War").

Man, I love "The Germans", which is the best episode of "Fawlty Towers". I still laugh out loud just thinking about Basil fussing about the German tourists' table, where he has made all manner of Nazi and Hitler references (including a goose-step with legs so long they seem to kick higher than his head) and asking why one of the women is crying. "Will you stop talking about the war?" one man demands. "Me? You started it!" replies Basil, indignantly. "We did not start it!" counters the German. "Yes you did -- you invaded Poland," answers Basil and then I start to cry with amusement.

Of course, I might think the Bristish were just poking a little fun while watching soccer if not for the fact that the soccer hooligans are so amazingly horrible. If you haven't read "Among the Thugs", you really should. Very disturbing.

Anyway, after "Nightline" I caught the last bit of Conan and then just watched Carson Daly. But only because Sarah Silverman was a guest and she cracks me up. She did not disappoint me. She was telling a story about when she was 7 and she said, "I went to a slumber party at a friend's house. She was really nice. But her mother? Was a whore." Oh, stop, Sarah. I'm still cracking up just thinking about it.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

and another thing

Christian Bale is hot. That is all.


Why was the National Spelling Bee rated PG? (Elizabeth noticed this and I didn't know why.)

My opthamologist is very attractive. He has a very wimpy handshake, though. Which means my cute OB with the firm handshake still holds the title of "Katie's Cutest Doctor".

Archie volunteered to work during the elections yesterday. He called me and said, "Woo! Democracy in action! It's nothing like standing in a parking lot with a flashlight." He was directing the precinct judges on where to line up to turn in election returns. Then he helped load a truck with some equipment. So, democracy is all about directing traffic and heavy lifting.

We went to Napa and now I have a case of wine in my kitchen. Good wine, wine good. My summer drinking program is well underway.

Today, I saw a woman with a guide dog. It was a standard poodle. She even showed us that when she tells her dog, "Door!" the poodle leads her to the door and then points his nose at the doorknob. That was cool.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

bee season

I love the National Spelling Bee. Love it, love it, love it. The first time I watched was about 10 years ago and there was this girl who was the living embodiment of Mary Catherine Gallagher, the "Saturday Night Live" character. She would lean into the microphone and breathe heavily. She would ask every possible question, repeatedly. At one point, I said to Archie, "I swear, she's going to ask if they can spell it for her!" She didn't win that year, but she won the next year. I was in love with the dorky kids who spent all their time learning root words and languages of origin and just being geeky spellers.

From that moment on, I hoped that some year a kid would ask, "Can you spell that?" Last year, someone did. Fantastic! There was the year a kid passed out cold on the stage. Scary! Then he got up and spelled his word correctly. Amazing!

This year the big drama is that a girl was put out of the competition, but then the judges reviewed the spelling of the word and realized they had added an additional letter. She had spelled the word correctly and was put back in to the next round. Oooo!

I need something new to look forward to. I think it would be hilarious if a kid had no idea how to spell a word and just decided to go out blazing by spelling a very offensive word. Wouldn't that be super funny? "The word is [insert impossible to spell word here]." And the kid spells, "C-o-c-k-s-u-c-k-e-r."

I'm thinking that will never happen.

But it would be hilarious.