Wednesday, August 30, 2006

i love baseball

Since my Cubs are having a typical year (read: languishing in the basement), I look to other sources for my sheer love of the game. Monday was the championship game in the Little League World Series. There was a stunning amount of cuteness and joy and heartbreak (I'm not ashamed to say I smiled and cheered for the American team who won and in the same moment shed a tear for the Japanese team who lost).

My favorite moment was a shot of the diamond after the game had ended. Green grass littered with the dropped gloves of the winning team. That was perfection.

I hope all those kids had some ice cream afterwards.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

the dumbest joke ever

Seriously. And it is made even dumber by the fact that I cracked myself up so badly that I snorted and actually fell out of bed.

So, Archie and I were in bed, reading. I was reading a book about Herman Melville. And I started to read a passage out of it to Archie. He asked, "So, Melville wrote 'Moby Dick', right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I've never read it."

"Really? It's a whale of a book." And that's when I fell out of bed, snorting at my own completely stupid pun.

It's a wonder I'm still married and that my children have not been taken away from me.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

why my day was much better than your day

OK -- it didn't seem, at first blush, like it was going to be a fantastic day. The twins were having their molars sealed which meant driving over to the Peninsula and dealing with Cha and her boundless energy and LOUD voice in the small waiting room. (I now know why all parents have some version of the phrase, "I'm right next to you -- lower your voice.") Sure, we were going to the library after, but even that wasn't enough to make it seem like any more than a pain in the ass day.

It seemed that it might be an even worse than a pain in the ass day when we arrived at the dentist's office and the fish tank was gone. That meant 10 minutes of Charlotte moaning about the gone-ness of the fish -- 15 minutes when she normally would have been engrossed in looking at the fish. Oh, this was not good.

Then, the receptionist took us across the parking lot when Lulu went back to an exam room and turned everything into gold. Guess. Go on -- guess what we were shown.

Puppies! 5 adorable, yippy, wiggly puppies! So, Cha and Bebe and I played with the puppies and held the puppies and cooed at the puppies. Then, after about 20 minutes, we went back to the office and switched Bebe out for Lulu and our new configuaration went back to play with the puppies. Puppies and kids are magic. It was too much fun.

(The twins were also excited that they got to watch a movie during their procedures on the headset goggles. Not an entire movie, but Lou said she watched the beginning of "Cheaper by the Dozen" and Elizabee was excited that she saw the beginning of "Madagascar".)

Puppies. Seriously, top going to the dentist and then playing with puppies. Yeah, I didn't think you could.

Monday, August 21, 2006

fight science

The National Geographic network is running this show called "Fight Science" which is very cool and science-y and martial art-y. In one part of the show they measure the amount of force a punch or kick can deliver and it's amazing. One of the guys says, "I feel like Superman. In a very humble way." That cracked me up.

Friday, August 18, 2006

i didn't even get an invitation

This morning, Charlotte was skipping around outside, swinging her arms and singing.

"Walking in the park with Dennis. With Dennis. Walking and singing in the park with Dennis..."
"Hey! Who is Dennis, Cha?"
"My husband. Walking in the park with Dennis..."

They grow up so fast. Heh.

Monday, August 14, 2006

waking up

Lou came into my bedroom and whispered, "Mama, wake up! I am so mad!" Really, that's not something you want to hear upon waking. As we went into the kitchen she explained what was upsetting her. "These books from the library? The diaries? They're not real! They're fiction, Mama! I'm so mad!" Heh. Considering that she knows what fiction is and that there was an author's name on the cover of the books, I, stupidly, figured she'd realize these were fictionalized accounts. I figured wrong. Oops.

Bebe was very Bebe. "I'm hungry. What can I have for breakfast?"

Charlotte bounced out and climbed up on my lap, with a huge smile. "I had the best dream!" I waited a few moments and then asked, "Well? What was your dream about?" "Mama, I'm too happy to say." A minute later she said, grinning, "I had a guitar -- and a little sister!"

When she was telling Archie about her fantastic dream, Archie asked, "Did you play your dream little sister like a guitar?"

"Daddy! No! That would be rude."

Sunday, August 13, 2006

the kara-tay picnic

For the last several months, Archie has been taking classes in Kajukenbo. It's a combination martial art (karate/judo/ken for something I don't remember/boxing). It was developed in Hawaii and is considered the first real American martial art. (Also, I call it the Esperanto of martial arts because I'm goofy.) Yesterday, we went to the picnic at a local park and it was lots of fun. Most of the students are kids (and the twins are going to be starting after school starts again) and so there were lots of young people and the girls had a great time. They had a raffle and Archie won a free hour of groundwork with the second in command, which he's very excited about. And it was the Sifu's birthday and all the kids gave him a punch in the stomach, instead of spanks, which was kind of funny.

I was kind of "eh" about the girls doing this as a sport. But I've come around to thinking it's a really good thing. Archie says the kids at the dojo are all really focussed and respectful and have a lot of fun. He said Sifu is really great with kids -- he routinely plans stuff for just the kids (movies and stuff) that give it more of a community feel rather than just a sport or activity. And Archie says the girls at the dojo are amazing and strong and love to fight and he wants that for our girls, which I've decided is a great thing.

Also, Archie found this show on MTV2 called "Final Fu" which is a reality/competition show about martial arts. The contestants are all young adults. I have no idea how good they are, but it's fun to watch all the different disciplines. And, it's really amazing to watch the attitudes of these kids. On most reality shows, there's a lot of bluster and blaming other people and it gets really tiring after a while. These contestants all admit to their own failings and strengths. It's quite refreshing to see a young guy say the only person to blame for his elimination is himself -- and that now he's going to go and work even harder. I just have come around to what a great way of looking at things in this way is -- and martial arts seem to foster this. So, I guess I'm going to be the kara-TAY! mom.

Archie says Sifu says about one of the teenage girls, "That girl loves to bang!" Meaning that she loves to fight. Apparently, even the boys don't want to mess with her because she brings it. And I met her at the picnic and she's adorable and polite and man, I would be completely happy if my girls loved to bang, too.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

the talk

You know, The Talk. The birds and the bees. How babies are made -- at least the old-fashioned way. S-E-X.

The other night, Bebe and Lulu were asking me all kinds of questions about how babies are made. The info they had up to that point: girls have a uterus, a vagina, and eggs, boys have a penis and sperm, the sperm and egg combine to make a baby which grows in the uterus and then is either pushed out or the mother is cut open and the baby is pulled out. Oh, and Bebe got a crucial bit of info about sperm coming out of the penis which she thought was a joke.

Anyway, the discussion was at bedtime and the gist was that they wanted to know how the egg and sperm got together. Mostly, I thought this was a ploy to not go to sleep, so I said we'd talk about it the next day, fairly certain it would be forgotten because they had a field trip for camp the next day. Beebs woke up and the first thing she said was, "So, how do the egg and sperm get together?" I said it was a little involved and we'd discuss when they came home from camp. As we got in the car to drive home, Elizabeth was all, "So? How? You promised!"

So we came home and I explained the basics. There were 2 very funny moments. The first was when Elizabee asked if maybe, since the sperm comes out of the penis, the guy puts the sperm in a cup? Oh, my, I had to force myself to not laugh and then go on a whole tangent about that really happening. No need to confuse the poor kids too much at the start. The second very amusing thing was after I'd finished, I asked if they had any questions. Beebs said, "The man puts his penis in the woman's vagina? I think I'll just adopt."

I had to excuse myself to go stifle my laughter in my bathroom into a pillow.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

the day i probably made 2 mormon missionaries very happy

Flashback time! Flashback time!

The twins were a few weeks old. I was incredibly sleep deprived. I was nursing them, so all I wore in the first month or so after they were born was a pair of underwear and my Cat in the Hat chenille bathrobe. This was because I never went anywhere, so there was no point in getting dressed. (If someone I wasn't related to came to visit I'd put on my nursing PJs, which were more presentable, but still, not really clothing.) Also, easy, quick access to the breastaurant. Open 24 hours, table for 2. God, I crack myself up.

Anyway, so one afternoon I was alone in the apartment with the girls. I had just completed a feeding and was holding the last diner. There was a knock on the door. I (stupidly) went to answer it. Before me were 2 Mormons in their white shirts and ties and all clean-cut and scrubbed. One started to ask if I'd like to talk about Jesus. (I am not making fun of Mormons. While I don't generally want to talk about Jesus with strangers, I am always polite and courteous and send them on their way to find someone who does want to discuss Our Lord and Savior.) Anyway, I told these boys that I was sorry, but I had just given birth to twins, I was by myself, and I was too exhausted to have a conversation about anything, least of all religion. I kind of registered that their eyes had gotten as big as dinner plates, but they politely said goodbye and I shut the door.

It was only when I went to put the baby I was holding down that I noticed that my bathrobe was completely open. I flashed a pair of Mormon missionaries! I sometimes wonder if that made their day or frightened them.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

oh. my. god.

The girls and I went to the library on Tuesday. As we were leaving, loaded down with books, Elizabee was being silly and teased me, "I'm going to be a teenager in a year, Mommy!" "Nuh-uh. You'll be a teenager in 6 years. 7 plus 6 is 13."

Then I literally stopped walking and said, "Oh, dear. You're more than halfway to being a teenager!" We both kind of stared at each other. "Nuh-uh!" said Bebe. "Uh, uh-huh!" I replied. Then I looked at Louisa and said, "And Lou, too!"

Dear Lord, somebody hold me.