Monday, June 30, 2008

why is everyone asleep when I have bad puns to make?

I just noticed in the TV listings that there is a show on called All About Dung. The following is my imaginary conversation:

Imaginary person: Hey! Whatcha watching?
Me: All About Dung.
Imaginary person: How is it?
Me: It's a piece of shit.

Friday, June 27, 2008

"in the shadow of the moon"

Hi. It's apparently all space stuff all the time around here for now.

We finished watching the documentary In the Shadow of the Moon, which was wonderful. I have decided that John Young is about the coolest cucumber ever. (He's the astronaut who said he was on the moon when he heard the shuttle program was approved and who said it like he was at the grocery store or something.) He did a mission to the moon with Eugene Cernan who said that when they had liftoff, the flight surgeon said that Cernan's heartrate was about 130. But Young's was around 70. Man. "Just going to the moon on top of this rocket, but it's no big deal or anything."

And I just went to read his Wikipedia entry and I think I love him even more. He's flown four classes of spacecraft, walked on the moon, set a lunar rover speed record (now there's a rarified category), and was on the maiden shuttle voyage. But do you know what sealed the deal of my love? The man smuggled a corned beef sandwich on a Gemini flight. (For which it says he was "reprimanded." Like I'm sure that upset him!) Also, even though he's almost 80 and retired several years ago, he still attends weekly astronaut meetings.


Monday, June 23, 2008

"when we left earth"

Last night we finished watching When We Left Earth about NASA and I discovered that I will still cry when watching the Challenger explosion. The kids (especially Lou) have been enthralled by the previous episodes, but Archie and I watched the final two hours (covering the shuttle program) last night without kids.

The astronauts are the kings of understatement. One from the very first shuttle flight was asked where he was when he found out that the shuttle program would be funded. "On the moon. I was on the moon." With a totally straight face, no emotion -- as if "I was on the moon," was just the same as saying, "I was at the DMV -- getting my license for my LUNAR ROVER!" Heh. Also, Gene Kranz became, for me, like Buck O'Neil was in Ken Burns' Baseball -- the break-out star commenting from the sidelines. (Or Mission Control.) I think I'm kind of in love with him.

We were making a lot of fun of some of the stuff relating to the space station. Especially the Russians. "What do the cosmonauts eat?" "Borscht!" "No, dehydrated space borscht. And potato. A potato. And then they ask the astronauts to bring some Tang -- to sprinkle on the potato." Also, we wondered if the Russian cohort has a vodka still.

Just more proof (Ha! Proof! Vodka! Ha!) that we can make stupid fun of absolutely anything. Well, except for the Challenger explosion. Because that is still almost unbearably sad.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

i am becoming an old, crabby woman

I'm watching the Cubs vs. Sox and getting upset about the baseball pants. Have you seen how the young kids are wearing their baseball pants? They don't tuck them into their socks -- they wear them long and all pooling over their shoes! It's really ugly. And it makes me unhappy and forces me to talk to the TV.

I am officially old, I think. "Get off my lawn, turn down your troubled youth music, and tuck your damn pants in!"

"the sting" and coincidences

Archie and I watched The Sting tonight. In a weird coincidence, I found two people on Facebook this evening who I first saw the movie with over twenty years ago. Cue weird Twilight Zone music.

Anyway, man is that movie slooow. It's something that seems apparent with a lot of movies from the 70s. I kept wanting to scream, "Move it along! It's called a movie! Let's see something move for Christ's sake!" Seriously, there was a static shot of a God damned light bulb. Why? I suspect the director thought it was very artistic. And, talky. I love a talky movie sometimes, but really.

Paul Newman is super hot, though. Those eyes. Wow. And when he's wearing the tux in the fake horse racing book? Ah, a wing-tip collar is so beautiful.

And, an added bonus -- a quick story from when I was in college, related to Paul Newman. He went to the same college I did. When they were breaking ground for the new library, I went to the ceremony. A few friends and I told some gullible new students that Newman was supposed to attend and they should look for him. Ha! Also, somewhere I have the alumni registry with Paul's phone number in it. Wouldn't it be hysterical to call Paul Newman? "Hi. I went to the same college you did. I watched The Sting and you were very, very hot." OK, maybe not such a good idea.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

i love dairy too much

So, maybe you've heard about the 21 day cleanse that Oprah is/was doing? My understanding is that it's essentially a vegan jump start -- so no animal products. And I am cool if you're a vegan or vegetarian. Yay for you! But, I like dairy. I really don't believe that soy ice cream is anything like real ice cream. And I love real ice cream. Also, butter. Don't even get me started on sour cream and the place it holds in my consciousness. Honestly, if I could free my mind from the almost constant reveries revolving around sour cream, I could probably solve the mortgage crisis. Sorry, America.

Anyway, the real point I want to make is that the message boards on the cleanse topic are hilarious. Another thing you're supposed to give up is alcohol. And one poster said, "I really like a glass of wine in the evening. I think I'll just continue on with that plan and give up meat and eggs and wheat and sugar and dairy and deliciousness and my will to live."*

The reply to that comment was, no kidding, "Substitute pomegranate juice for wine!" Now, I'm totally cool with anyone giving up whatever they want to, but that person has obviously never had an alcoholic beverage, ever. Because if anyone told me to substitute pomegranate juice for wine, I might have a stroke from the laughter.

*Obviously paraphrased. And, also, my own characterization of my reaction to a cleanse that I think is a tad extreme. I'm pretty sure a lot of vegans actually eat things with sugar and gluten. And have some wine and caffeine.

what it's like in our house once the kids are in bed

[Archie is flipping through the channels and puts on The Freshman.]

Me: That was a cute movie.
Archie: Yeah.
Me: Sadly, it just reminds me that Bruno Kirby is dead.
Archie: He is? When did he die?
Me: A year ago? Wait. [I search for Bruno Kirby on IMDb.] Shit. He died almost two years ago.
Archie: Wow.

And, scene.


While getting the girls ready for school (next to last day, yay), there was a piece on the Today Show about how women who have two cups of coffee a day have a 25% lower occurrence of heart disease or heart attacks (or something having to do with the heart -- I wasn't paying super-close attention). Lulu asked me why I thought that was the case.

"Um, maybe because with the caffeine from two cups of coffee, women are vibrating [and here, I stood up and started to shake in a violent manner] and the plaque can't stick to the arteries?"

There was a pause as Lou stared at me.

"I don't think that's why, Mama."

Thursday, June 12, 2008

favorite twitters the second

I should really be getting to bed because I am exhausted and I have to be up and showered and totally presentable since Cha's kindergarten graduation is tomorrow morning, early. But, instead, I thought I'd share some of my favorite twitters with you. Again. (First installment here.)

koroshiya: also, i find it increasingly hilarious that people bitch about twitter while using twitter to do so.


mrsnewman: Drinking a homemade (workmade?) iced latte, contemplating how I've become a completely detestable yuppie.
wonkybutt: a detestable yuppie with a delicious beverage!


ravinald: Person on train: Is that a *bacon* wallet? Me: Yes it is! Person: AWESOME!


mrsnewman: me, on eating some Japanese hard candy: "I has a weird flavor!" @rnewman in response (playing GTA4): "I has a rocket launcher!"

rock on, celtics

I am a dedicated Suns fan and since they aren't in the Finals, I shouldn't be paying any attention to basketball at all. But the Celtics (a team my dad loved and which I rooted for through my childhood and young adulthood) just came back from a 20 point deficit to beat the hated Lakers. And now they're up three games to one.

That sound you hear? Me laughing myself silly.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

i may not be hot -- but my new bike is

We picked up my new bike. An Electra Amsterdam in basic black. It is beautiful. It rides like -- well, remember how much you loved riding your very first bike? How fun it was? Yeah, like that. With a bell to ding-ding, too.

We walked into the bike shop (Bike Garage, in Fremont -- they're good people and Archie's done a lot of business there and has been very happy) and when we told one of the guys we were there to pick up the Amsterdam, he said, "Man, that is a pretty, pretty bike." When he brought it out on the floor, it turned other customers' heads. As Archie was finishing up paying and stuff, this very young and pretty girl approached me and asked, "Is that yours? It's beautiful! I wish I was in the market for a bike like that!"

I rode it home, smiling all the way. Then I took the girls down to the schoolyard so Lou and I could pedal around on the playground. (Bebe and ChaCha wanted to swing and play on the jungle gym.) Lulu and I were zipping around in the front parking lot and I heard a man say, "Excuse me?" I stopped and turned around. This guy was standing there and he asked me what kind of bike it was and where I got it. So I told him and he said, "An Amsterdam, huh? That's the perfect name -- I lived there for a few years and everyone had a bike that looked like that."

I think my bike is the equivalent of a cute puppy. I guess I need to brush up on my small talk skills. Apparently, having a pretty bike gets you noticed.