we got letters

Dear Cubs,

Could you guys please play like the best team in the NL that you are? Didn't you realize that to take advantage of the home field advantage you have to, you know, win at Wrigley?

Love you lots, still,
Katie

p.s. Eamus Catuli!
K.


*****

Dear Sweet Lou, (the manager, not my daughter, although she's sweet, too),

Light a fire under the boys, would you?

Concerned,
Katie

*****

Dear Dodgers,

Fuck you.

No love, not a bit, not a smidge,
Katie

*****

Dear Viagra,

Could you possibly make your commercials a little less, um, graphic? It's not a fun time to have to brush off questions like, "What's an erection? Why would it be a problem for it to last four hours?" from my kids in the middle of the fifth inning of a playoff game. Think about it -- should people really be getting warnings about side effects of a prescription medication from a television ad? I think not.

Not holding her breath and hoping the ad execs who developed the ad all have four hour erections and no relief,
Katie

*****

Dear Major League Baseball,

Could you kindly stop taking money from Viagra and running the ads in the middle of baseball games? Yeah, I know, lots of old guys with penis problems watch baseball games. But. Lots of women watch, too. And. Lots of families watch with their kids. We would appreciate not having to think about sexual dysfunction during a baseball game. Or having to explain it to our kids -- who are the next generation of fans. But they might not be if we can't stomach all the penis talk during commercials.

Just saying,
Katie

cc: NFL, NBA, NHL

p.s. Thanks for joining the 21st century and getting instant replay.
K.