happy early birthday to me

I came home from taking the girls to school to find a lovely black MacBook sitting on the side table next to my chair. I love my husband! Thank you, sweetie! I am making this post from it right now and it is lovely and small (I specifically noted that if the spirit should ever move Archie to get me a new laptop, I did want the smaller size because, well, I don't really need the biggest thing possible) and all new. Also, I'm going to try to make it all mine -- no little girls fighting over it. OK, I may let them use the photo booth thing. And I will leave the folder Louisa made on my desktop, labelled "awesome folder!" because that is hilarious.

In other materialistic news, I am now smitten with this bicycle. (The particular model I want is the classic 3 in black.) I will never be a serious cyclist and the looks of that bike make me happy -- as does the fact that our local bike shop (seriously local -- right up the street from our house) is an Electra dealer. I have already outfitted it with a back basket and a mirror and a little back roll bag for under the saddle. Archie thinks I'm ridiculous, but whatev. It's pretty and I would have a blast pedalling around on it.

Also, I want this camera. Do I take pictures? No, not very often. And film? Why would I want to go there? I guess I'm having a good time imaginging a life riding around on my Dutch-like bike, stopping to take a few pictures with my plastic camera that uses film -- could I be more of a Luddite?

The weirdness of being me -- I'm all goopy about my new computer, but pining over bikes and film cameras. Welcome to the contradictions!

all that matters

There is a new 30 Rock on tonight. I love that show. I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

a short conversation

I was reading Vanity Fair yesterday evening (I think I can call it yesterday evening, since it's 12.30am or so) and the girls were all in their jammies and had eaten dinner and were occupied with various things. I expected Archie home at any time because he had kajukenbo class. The phone rang. I went into the kitchen to answer it and it was Archie.

"Hi."
"Hi, it's me. My ride had a late meeting and I'm not going to make it home anytime soon..."
[At this point, I walk over to the sink so I can throw something I picked up off the floor in the trash and there is yogurt all over the rug in front of the sink.]
"Oh, God damn it!"
"I'm really sorry -- but Marty is stuck in a meeting..."
"Honey, I'm not upset at you. We're all fine; everything is under control. It's just that there's yogurt on the floor..."
"I told you the kids have to eat at the table."
"They did! But one of them threw away a yogurt container and spilled some on the floor. Why did we have kids again? Remind me?"
"Because it's fulfilling."
"Oh, yeah. Right. Just not so much right this very moment."

[And then the rest of the evening was terrific and the girls were silly and fun. But still and all -- the yogurt on the floor was not a welcome addition to my day.]

last week on lost

They're still lost. And, they're still lost. Did we mention how lost they are? Are you confused yet, because they are and they're lost. And now they're taking turns pushing a button -- but still lost.

Arch and I are just a few eps in to the second season. Archie walks around whistling the creepy theme music. I wish he'd get busy and come up with some lyrics. Something like, "They're really lost...they're all still lost...yep, they're lost..."

We watch at least an episode a night -- sometimes we squeeze in two. We're only several years behind everyone else!

thanks, public school system

This morning, the girls became fixated on a piece of cake which we brought home from a birthday party. Shocker -- they wanted to eat it for breakfast. Archie and I both calmly and firmly told them that we were not allowing them to have cake for breakfast.

Charlotte said, "Hey! Let's strike!" And then she and her sisters started to march around the kitchen chanting, "Strike! Strike! Strike!"

I looked at Archie and said, "And this is what happens when kindergartners are taught about Cesar Chavez. They encourage strike tactics at 8am over cake."

I really can't wait until they pick up on the phrase, "Speaking truth to power." Because I am gonna laugh my head off and then say, "Oh, sweeties, power trumps kid truth in this house. You want chocolate cake for breakfast, you're going to have to get your own house."

where did march go?

Wow. March just slipped right by, huh? I'm trying to think what we've all been up to, but it's mostly just the same fun and minor kerfluffles and general awesomeness.

Is that bragging? Sorry. But I put up with a whole lot of non-awesomeness early on with the twins, especially, and the girls just seem to get better and more fun and everything all the time. The twins are now orange belts and Cha and I will probably start with kajukenbo this summer. We'll be a whole kar-a-tay family! A while ago, I was all excited because everyone in the house used the toilet and now I'm ecstatic because everyone can read! Cha loved books and being read to, but now she's all about reading to us. As with all big changes, the initial phases are a tad tiresome -- it can take thirty minutes for her to make it through a book that I could easily knock out for her in half the time -- but it's also so sweet. And, being Cha, she literally wiggles all around throughout the reading.

There have been birthday parties and tests (Lou took an ability test for the gifted program in our district and she was going on about how easy it was, so, maybe she's well on her way to being a super-evil-genius, heh). Cha seems to be getting close to controlling her wiggling in class. Maybe. The twins are excelling in everything, it seems. Archie and I have become hooked on "Lost" via DVD.

Oh, and baseball season is here. April is always a welcome time.

old school

Last night was the third stripe test for the twins. This is when they have to show everything they've learned for Sifu and he watches for mistakes. If they make less than three, they earn the stripe and are clear to belt test in a few weeks. Both of the girls were nervous, but that good butterfly nervous, not the terrified nervous. They both made it through the squat sets, forms, and self-defense moves without any mistakes, which is so great. And it really boosted Bebe's confidence. She had to test twice for her second stripe and was feeling a little down. But we stressed that it just meant she had to work harder and practice. And? It is always sweet when your kid says, "You were right, Mama!"

There was a little boy who made a lot of mistakes. Sifu singled him out and asked, "Was it because you haven't practiced enough or because you were nervous?" The kid shrugged and Sifu asked his mom, "Does he practice enough or is he nervous, Mom?" She said, "It's Guitar Hero."

Sifu said, "Oh, no. No, no, no. You bring Guitar Hero to me and I keep it until you get your third stripe."

This is becoming a trend at the dojo. When kids are slacking -- too much time spent with video games, not doing their best in school, misbehaving outside of the dojo -- Sifu steps up and enforces a consequence. And it seems to work every time because the kids generally want to do well and make him proud. I have used the, "Well, I'll talk to Sifu about this!" threat and just the threat works for us to put an end to contentious behavior. It is my trump card, though.

The funny thing is watching Lou when she does forms and self-defense. She already has the "warrior face" and really puts energy into her moves and groundwork. She seems so angry! Which is the point, of course. And she sticks her tongue out which is hilarious. Also sweet, because she had a tied tongue as a baby and we were thinking she might never be able to stick her tongue out at all. So, I love seeing it peek out when she's concentrating so hard.

my kids know the real truth

I have always loved kids and I have always been quite popular with the under-12 set. I think teenagers kind of like me, too -- at least, the kids I taught years ago seemed to. But teenagers don't do the crazy, lovely things that younger kids do.

When I was a teenager myself, a friend and I did a biology project that required hatching ducklings. Our teacher suggested we go to some local elementary schools and describe our experiment -- which we did, when we just had eggs. Then we arranged to go back and show the ducklings to the kids. At the end of the school year, our teacher pulled out huge manila envelopes full of thank you letters from the classes we'd visited. Of course, they were adorable. But the surprise was so many of the letters were all about how cool and great I was. There were pictures of me and poems to me and it was about the greatest thing. Ever.

When I was a nanny, the little girl I took care of was about four and she started to turn herself into a little mini-Katie. She had her mom cut off her jeans into long, rolled shorts. She made her mom buy her some black pseudo-Docs. Her dad took her to get her very long hair trimmed and Elise came out with a shockingly short hairdo that looked surprisingly like the way I wore my hair.

Which all leads to today. I took my viola and visited Charlotte's kindergarten class. I played a little and talked to the kids. My favorite questions were, "How does it make the sound?" Which I thought was a really great question and I told them how the strings vibrate and the sound echoes in the inside of the instrument. And a little boy asked, "Can you play some Metallica?" Sadly, no. And then the chorus started. "You're so cool!" "Yeah -- you're the coolest!" "Charlotte, you are so lucky to have such a cool mom!"

When Cha and I were in the car driving home, she told me she was glad I came to her class. "All my friends think you are really cool, Mama." She paused. "But you're really just old and boring."

Of course, the only kids who are immune to my hipness are my own. Which is as it should be.

funniest comment ever

Archie was watching MMA fighting (in HD! in HD!) last night. I must make a few comments.

Man, all of those guys have lots of very bad tattoos. I was almost excited during the title bout because it looked as if the contestants were tattoo-free. Fail! They both had tats. But nothing like the guy with the huge Iron Cross on his chest. Nazi much, dude?

There is nothing as much fun as putting on your best Cartman voice during grappling and saying, "I love you."

And, the winner of the title match made the funniest comment ever, even if it was inadvertently. Maybe because it was inadvertant. When asked if he liked that the fight went to the mat and was a display of Brazilian JiuJitsu, the winner said, "I'm very comfortable on my back." Yeah, I'm a 12 year old, because that made me laugh and laugh. Thank you, crazy MMA guy.

our new tv

Our TV was purchased before the twins were born. It was a big-ass Sony -- we used to joke that the weight of it would prevent anyone from ever stealing it. A few weeks ago, it was exhibiting signs that the tube was slowly dying. The screen would flash black about every ten seconds. This was very annoying. So we went to look at new TVs.

My only input was that I thought a 50 inch set was as large as we should go. Of course, being a man, my husband thought we would probably need a 60 inch. But seeing some in person did convince him that I was correct in the size assessment. I left the rest to him. He settled on a plasma screen, because our TV stand is a little high and we're also thinking toward the future -- when I hope to reconfigure the family room and possibly mount the set on a wall. Last week, the beautiful thing was brought to the house. And at the end of this week, our DirecTV HD satellite was installed.

I am sorry to see the TiVo go. (Look -- there's proof that I can complain about anything. "We have a great HD plasma TV, but I miss the nine year old TiVo box. Waaaaah!") Just the listings format gives me hives. But I'm sure I'll adjust. I have adjusted -- no flashing, bright colors, and God, HD is cool.

Also, when you turn it on and off it makes a little "bloop bloop" noise and there's a soft blue light on the bottom of the screen that glows. Pretty, pretty.

don't ever change internet

Guess what? I'm number four if you do a Google search for "best nickname ever."

As we all know, the answer is the Mexicutioner.

being a smartass

I was watching a NOVA about Isaac Newton and I was highly amused that another member of the Royal Society was always trying to both discredit Newton's findings and yet claim that he had thought of them first. That's a nice trick.

But the best thing was when they spoke about Newton having a nervous breakdown which led to him attacking his few friends -- among them John Locke. He apparently accused Locke of trying to ply him with women.

I thought it would be hilarious if Locked had replied, "You just need to get laid."

and then it was over

On Christmas Eve, my children all swore they would never be able to sleep. We roasted marshmallows, put out cookies and milk, and put out the stainless mixing bowl for the reindeer (carrots, oats, and sugar cubes). The kids were out within 15 minutes of hitting their beds.

Then Lou woke up at midnight and Bebe stumbled out about 20 minutes later and I had to stay up so that they could go back to sleep and their stocking could make it to the foot of their beds. I was almost asleep when I heard frantic whispering followed by gigantic children thumping out of bed (and the inevitable squeaks when Charlotte got out of her bed). There was racing down the hallway and then back, with cries of, "It's one o'clock!" This woke Archie, who I could tell wanted to go to the door and yell for the kids to go to sleep. I was laughing. The hubub subsided and I fell asleep.

Then I woke up to more running sounds and it was light out. The girls came in our room, "Santa came! We got our stockings and the cookies are eaten! Get up, get up, get up!" So we got up and unwrapped presents and everyone was amazed at what a great job Santa had done, which always tickles me. I will be sad when that ends.

Then Archie went back to bed, the girls played, and I stretched out on the couch and watched Elf. At about noon, our friend Scott came over and we shifted into cooking mode. And drinking mode. Several hours later, we were all tucking into perfectly cooked roast beast and Yorkshire pudding. I fell into a meat and wine coma and Cha and I had a lovely nap.

We took a walk once it was dark to look at Christmas lights, which was really fun. Usually it's been raining, so we just drive around. Walking was nice, especially since we'd all eaten so much. Back home, pumpkin pie and watching the SpongeBob Christmas special and then bed for little girls.

It was just about a perfect day. There was no screaming and lots of fun. Too bad it only comes once a year.

thank you, comcast

Oh, it will be such a very, merry Christmas -- all thanks to Comcast. I just saw a commercial for their "Holiday Yule Log." Three hours tomorrow morning of a crackling, burning fire, all accompanied by Christmas music. And, as the ad promised, "Completely commercial-free!"

Because everyone really hates a Christmas Day televised Yule log interrupted by commercials.

more thoughts centered on tv

OK, OK, we watch a lot of TV. Whatever. At least it was PBS today!

We were watching a Christmas special with the San Francisco Boys Choir. But I didn't realize it was a boys choir because we tuned in about mid-telecast during a handbell interlude. Archie (who was in the Phoenix Boys Choir way back when) said, "Oh, I remember that so well."

"What? You were not only in a boys choir, you were in a handbell choir, too? That's so twee."

The best part, though, was that there were late-teens shading into young adult guys in the very back -- Archie said they were probably former members who come back to sing at the big boys choir-Christmas-handbell-tweefest. OK, he didn't say that, exactly -- that may just be my characterization of the entire thing. But, anyway, as one song ended, the camera focussed in on two older guys who did a respect knuckles thing. It was hilarious! Because, I like to imagine that one guy leaned into the other and whispered, "Dude, we still got it. Let's hit a club later and pick up some chicks. The ladies will totally be falling all over us when we tell them we were in the boys choir and know how to play handbells!"

my next career move

Archie and I were watching Desk Set today. It was very fun to watch the characters talk about computers in super-simplistic terms since the audience for this film was certainly not technology savvy in 1957. (And, look at me, using IMDb to get the release date -- how far we've come, huh?)

Anyway, the best part of the movie was when it was stated that Spencer Tracy's character went to MIT. He had a PhD in science. Science! Because, as we all know, in the 50s there was only one scientific degree you could earn -- no specialization whatsoever.

It's my plan for my next career -- earning a degree in science from MIT.

and sancho panza was his sidekick

A while back, the girls were reading their Tintin books. Elizabeth asked, "Mom, how do you say q-u-i-x-o-t-e?"

"That's Quixote, baby. Don Quixote. He's the title character in a novel written in Spanish..." and I went on to outline the basic story. And then, I sang "The Impossible Dream" -- and surprised myself that I still knew all the lyrics.

When I was finished, Bebe said, "Mom. Why is it when I ask you how to pronounce something you give me a lecture on Spanish literature and then finish it up with a song? Can I read my book now?"

the calm before the storm

The girls are asleep and I'm watching HGTV.  It's very quiet because Archie is at a party for a coworker who is leaving to go to officer training in the Marine Corps.  The party is at Chuck E. Cheese.  Why?  Because this very tall, attractive guy (who is gonna look smoking in dress blues) loves Chuck E. Cheese.  If the girls didn't have school tomorrow, we'd have all gone.

All I can say is, thank God for school.  Because Chuck E. Cheese is awful.  Except for the skeeball game.  The skeeball game is the best.

Anyway, it's calm and quiet and tomorrow is the last day of school before vacation.  While we usually have relaxing, non-stressful holidays, there is always the joy of three girls who are all together and picking on each other for the duration.  That's not so fun and restful.  And it gets worse once Christmas is over because the Santa threat is ineffective.

I'm just enjoying the relaxing where I can get it.

a sunny day in phoenix

14 years ago Archie and I were married.  Look how young and happy we were.  We're now old and bitter.  OK, I lie, we're just old, but still pretty happy.  

laughing at my husband

I was surfing and Archie was watching a movie --something with Jessica Alba. All of a sudden he let out a groan and yelled, "No fair! No! That's wrong!"

"What?" Arch hit rewind on the TiVo and this guy is unwrapping some scarf or sarong or whatever from Alba's torso. Just as he's about to expose her boobs, she turns around so her bare back is what we see. And Archie pauses it and says, "See? That's so wrong! Don't you think that's wrong?"

And I laughed and laughed and asked, "Honey, you do realize I'm a woman, right? And I don't care if I see Jessica Alba's breasts or not?"