lakers suck

One of Archie's best friends called last night at halftime and was all chatty and up and I sent him into a steep decline. "So, Steve-O, are you calling to distract yourself from the tragedy that was the first half of the Suns game?" His voice got tight and higher-pitched and he said, "It's only halftime! It's only halftime!"

I hate the Lakers. Even if I didn't like the Suns (and I do -- especially Steve Nash who reminds me of the little, kind of greasy guy from "Bad News Bears" and "Breaking Away"), I'd be cheering them on to crush L.A. As Archie has said, it just doesn't seem fair that the Suns, as the number 2 team, have to play the Lakers in the first round.

I'm just hoping they can squeak out of this round. Otherwise, basketball season will be over for me.

(And, as an added bonus, my favorite Suns-related story! When Archie and I had sent out our wedding invitations, one of his friends called and asked if we'd considered changing the date. I asked him why and he said, "Because the Suns are playing that night. I might not be able to make it." I very calmly told him that we expected him to attend our wedding and that I was sure there would be a TV in the bar in the lobby of the hotel if he really needed to catch some of the game. You must keep in mind that we were married in December -- it wasn't like we chose a date in May, or something. Also, I did think it was kind of funny that we couldn't go to Phoenix for his wedding several years later because I was too far along in my first pregnancy to fly. We did send a nice gift, though.)

crud

OK, so the rain seems to have stopped for the season (pleasepleaseplease) and as of right now the sun is out. I'm still feeling low-level sick and wishing I could sleep for a solid week.

Thankfully, spring break is over and we're back to our regular routine. I generally enjoy having all the girlies at home, but being sick made it seem like the week that would never end. Here's hoping some sun and warmer weather will help get us all back on track.

whither spring?

Man, living in California sucks right now. OK, yesterday was gorgeous and sunny and warm. But it's rained almost every day for almost 2 months and I'm officially depressed and fed up. Also, that lovely day? Now I've got the "weather is changing very quickly" cold and I feel like shit and, of course, spring vacation starts for the girls today and I would like a nap, please. Bah.

I want more than a day of sunshine and warm breezes. I'm exhausted by the gray and clouds and damp. I need a lot of sunny days to break this funk.

he'll soon know heartbreak

The twins have a friend named Amari. He's a great kid and he comes home with us and plays and goofs off after school. Today we were watching the end of a Cubs game. I TiVoed past a commercial and then shouted, "Hey! It's time for the stretch!" And the girls came running so we could all sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Amari seemed a little amused. Then we watched the final innings and we won! Yay! So the girls and I all danced around.

I know Amari plays Little League, so I asked him if he had a favorite big league team. He quickly said, "The Cubs!" I asked if he didn't really like the As or the Giants and he replied, "I did like the As, but you all cheer for the Cubs and I think I'll be a Cubs fan, too." Awww. Poor dear has no idea they'll break his heart.

I've turned more poor, unsuspecting children into Cubs fans. I think it builds character but Archie thinks it qualifies as child abuse. Heh.

thank god she's smarter than that dummy in the red cape

Whee. What a busy day. I'm surfing, listening to/watching the Cubs home opener, and also trying to play with Charlotte. (Why won't she just let me peacefully veg out in front of a baseball game? Why? Oh, yeah -- she's 4.) Today's play is to act out Little Red Riding Hood. We keep coming up against the fact that Cha is obviously much smarter than Red.

ChaCha: Lalalala.
Me (as the Big Bad Wolf): Hello, little girl. Where are you going?
ChaCha: I'm not talkin' to you -- you're a strange wolf!

Heh. So, we decide to cut straight to the big bedroom meeting.

ChaCha: Grandma, what big eyes you have!
Me: The better to see you with my dear!
ChaCha: I'm scared and going home!

So we're not so much acting out the fairy tale as giving it the new twist with a modern-day preschooler. I couldn't help but be reminded of the modified version of Red by James Thurber. It's the old story, but when the Big Bad declares he's going to eat Red, she pulls out a gun and shoots him dead. The moral? "It is not so easy to fool little girls nowadays as it used to be."

I guess now I can't even fool my own into acting the story out.

the sevens

So, Archie tagged me to do this list thing-y. (I'm not linking -- he's unpublished and trying to be all anonymous, so sorry.)

7 Things to Do Before I Die
*go to Australia
*go to Mongolia
*see a solar eclipse
*run a marathon
*see my Cubbies win a World Series
*play drums in Archie's hypothetical crappy cover band
*become a grandmother (I'm gonna require some assistance from one or more of the girlies for this one, heh)

7 Things I Cannot Do
*whistle a tune
*dive
*have any more babies
*burp on cue
*touch my nose with my tongue
*see those stereoscopic pictures (I have no depth perception, whee)
*do any math higher than algebra

7 Things I Like About My Other Half
*he loves me
*he's very, very funny
*he often vehemently agrees with me -- I think we probably sound like we're arguing, but we're just agreeing with each other
*he's a good dad to our girls
*he has funny terms of endearment for me
*he makes smooch-y noises and expects me to make smooch-y noises in return
*he often buys me chocolate

7 Favorite Books
*Infinite Jest
*The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
*A Prayer for Owen Meaney
*The Brothers K
*Summerland
*Pride and Prejudice
*The Great Gatsby

7 Favorite Movies
*Bull Durham
*Singin' in the Rain
*Raising Arizona
*Shadowlands
*The Thin Blue Line
*The Wizard of Oz
*The Singing Detective (this is a cheat because I'm not referring to the movie, but the BBC miniseries -- but it's one of the best things I've ever seen and I love it)

7 Things I Say
*"Archie!"
*"Bebe!"
*"Louisa May!"
*"Charlotte Jane Campbell!"
*"Do I look like the maid?"
*"Take a deep breath."
*"Please, please, stop hitting each other!"

Feel free to do your sevens. Leave a comment (or leave them in the comments) so I can read yours!

tater bugs

As the member of our family nearest to the ground, it falls to Charlotte to alert us to all the fun things the rest of us taller people are missing. In fact, she takes this responsibility very seriously and it's one reason why we have to leave early when walking somewhere. I just know she'll see something (a snail, a worm, a long row of busy ants) and we'll have to stop and admire it.

The other day, we were walking down to the school to pick up the twins. Cha stopped and yelled, "Roly poly bug!" So, we had to stop and make it roll up and then we had to wait and watch it unroll and wiggle all its legs and flip over and then make it roll up again. (When I was growing up, we called these bugs tater bugs and I think some people call them sow bugs.) We came upon another one a little further on and had to stop and repeat the process.

As we were walking back home, now with the twins along, we saw 3 of these creatures. And, since we didn't have to rush at all, we stopped and tormented the poor things. We must be quite a sight to the neighborhood -- 3 little girls and their mother, all crouched down talking loudly and laughing about bugs.

my california girls

There is a book by Calvin Triilin called "Fatherhood". It's about, well, his experiences of parenting his two girls. There is one piece in the book about how he was from Missouri and he just always assumed that his daughters were Missourians at heart who happened to be growing up in New York City. I think (it's been a long time since I read the book) he said he realized that his kids were real, honest-to-goodness New Yorkers when they would talk about subway directions and alternate routes at a very young age that he didn't even know existed, even though he'd lived in the city for the majority of his adult life.

Today, I realized that I have always kind of thought of my girls as little transplanted Midwesterners. But the following conversation I overheard in the car disabused me of that notion.

Bebe: We're having our class party tomorrow!
Lulu: Wow! You're so lucky!
Bebe: I know! It's gonna be so cool. Hecka cool!

Hecka cool. Dear Lord, I have children who are Californians.

(Also, Bebe said, "Snap!" to some comment of Louisa's, and I laughed for at least 5 minutes. Not only are they Californians, they are already cooler and hipper than I am. Which isn't much of a stretch, I admit. But still. Snap.)

i swear i've never even heard the song

So, I thought I needed to record my answer to the random question Blogger gives you for your profile page, because I'm sadly proud of it. Plus, I like to change the question now and again.

You have a red jar of cedar chips. Why do moths miss the forest?
They don't! My red jar of cedar chips brings all the moths to my yard.

Oh, God, I crack myself up. Off to hunt for a new question. I don't know that I can ever top that one, though.

the sentence that made me lose my shit

"I have no idea where your child is."

Let me explain. I went to the elementary school to pick up the twins. I was there, between the classrooms, before the bell went off. Lulu came out of her classroom and I noticed that she had a substitute. Then the door to Bebe's class opened and another sub stepped out. I waited. Then Lou said, "Where's Elizabeth, Mama?" I looked into the classroom and there were no kids inside.

"Excuse me. My daughter is in this class. Where is she?"
"I have no idea where your child is."
"Excuse me?"
"We were out on the playground and the bell rang. I came back here."

I felt panic and fear rising from my gut. I walked quickly, Lou right beside me, over to the playground. The entire class was running around, yelling and squealing. I hollered at all of them that the bell had rung and they needed to come back to the classroom -- I herded everyone up and walked back so Bebe could get her coat and backpack.

While I was waiting, the sub said, "I told them to come back when the bell rang. I came back. I don't know why they didn't."

"Well, they're six. And you're in charge. You can't just leave first graders on the playground."

It took every ounce of self-control not to punch her in her stupid, dumbass face. I couldn't go over to the office to complain because we had to go and pick up Charlotte at preschool. But I am going to give the principal an earful tomorrow morning.

slough

So, in a fit of boredom, I checked my stats for a laugh. Someone from Slough visited. Slough! Of "The Office" and Ozzy Osbourne's tragic all-terrain vehicle accident from several years ago. Said visitor was directed here by a web search for "removing a child's wobbly tooth". I am, of course, an expert on wibbly-wobbly teeth. But I do not recommend trying to remove them. Because if your kid is anything like mine, there will be cries of despair and upset. (It is possible I know someone who threatens to remove loose teeth just to incite the uproar. But you didn't hear that from me, oh no.)

In even less exciting news, I have found the Holy Grail of food for the girlies. Stir fry veggies with shrimp. My God, they ate as if they would never see food again. Sadly, shrimp are expensive and I cannot make this culinary delight every night. One young person cried when I told her the shrimp were all gone. Heartbreak!

(Also, I am a big liar. The shrimp were not, in fact, all gone. I just said they were so I could eat them for lunch today. Today, when I have a little time in my house all alone with no children. I will be watching bad TiVoed programs and eating shrimp.)

ac/dc

It's almost bedtime and Archie's fired up AC/DC on the stereo. While "Back in Black" blares and the girlies are doing their best air guitar heroics, Bebe yells, "This is the most rock and roll song EVER!"

Now they're all calling "Oi!" They're TNT, baby, they're dynamite. Watch them explode.

an odd talk with my mom

So, my mom and I were talking the other night. Mostly about the kids and how my aunt and uncle are doing. (My mom's sister and her husband are both in poor health and my mom is serving as their main caretaker.) Then we talked about "American Idol" and then my mom said, "Ooo, I saw a really cute show and I thought you would love it and was wondering if you watched it?"

Now, I love my mom. She's a wonderful person and fun and we get along fantastically. We have very different tastes in entertainment, however. ("American Idol" and "House" excepted.) She spent years trying to get me to watch "JAG". When she would visit, she'd try to talk me in to watching "Judging Amy". (True story: A few years ago, there was a commercial that ran for "Judging Amy". It was the main actress, in a tank top, and she'd stretch her arms up over her head. Every time we'd see it, Archie would say, "'Judging Amy'. It's all about the law." Heh.) Anyway, because of our different tastes in TV, I was inwardly cringing about what she was about to recommend.

"It's on HBO and called 'Big Love' and it's about a polygamist family. Kate, it's so adorable! I've already got a pass on TiVo so I don't miss any of the episodes!"

Seriously, my mom is watching "Big Love" and thinks it's cute. Cute! The scary thing? I've got the first ep on my TiVo.

Maybe we're not as different as I think.

our completely boring life

Man, things have been boring. Seriously, this morning, right before we left for school, Lulu picked up a cup off of the counter and turned it upside down over her head, water went everywhere, and I had to do an emergency blow-dry of her hair and change her shirt. And that's as exciting as it's been for forever. A wet kid 10 minutes before we leave to go to school. Woo!

Everyone is healthy. Mostly happy. We're waiting for the rain to stop. Last week, Cha and I had to walk in hail to pick the twins up from school. Hail! I guess that was kind of exciting.

OK, one pretty cute kid thing. I was taking Cha to her opthamologist appointment and I reached back from the driver's seat and squeezed her knee. Archie does this a lot because after you squeeze the knee, she chirps, "Thank you!" Anyway, I squeezed and no comment. I squeezed again -- nothing. I squeezed a third time, and she said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Heh.

thelma and louise

This is a story from when I was a young, footloose woman. Before I even knew Archie. One of my brothers had a girlfriend named Kelly. She was fun. We went out a lot together, without my brother. We'd go dancing and stay 'til the club closed and then we'd get breakfast and she'd drop me off at home. We'd meet cute boys. Life was great.

One day, we went and saw the movie "Thelma & Louise". Then we went back to my house for dinner and we decided to go out dancing. My brother gave Kelly her gun -- he'd cleaned it for her. It was unloaded. She stupidly put it under the front passenger side seat. I didn't know much about guns and didn't much care -- we we're going out dancing!

We got to the Brewery District and proceeded to drink a little and dance a lot. We danced and danced. We both ended up dancing with two cute boys. There might have been some kissing. The place was closing and we decided to all go and get breakfast and the boys got in Kelly's car with us.

We didn't go too far -- there was an all-night place close by. Kelly parked the car and the guy she was with ws getting out of the front seat and he said, "I just hit something under the seat with my foot." "Oh, that's my iron," Kelly replied. The guy said, "Why would anyone keep their iron in their car?" Kelly and I started to laugh. He thought it was an iron for pressing clothes! Ah, cute boy. "It's my gun!" said Kelly.

We went into the diner. We sat down and ordered drinks. The boys excused themselves to use the bathroom. Our coffee came. No boys. We got refills -- no boys. When out waitress came and asked if we wanted to order, I said, "Well, we came with two guys and they went the bathroom and we're waiting for them." "Kind of tall guys, brown hair, one wearing a leather jacket?" "Yeah..." "They left 20 minutes ago."

We laughed and ordered breakfast. And continued to laugh because, guys don't go to the bathroom together. Obviously, they thought we were some kind of criminals, toting a gun in the car, ready to shoot them after we fed them breakfast or something. Which we most definitely weren't planning on doing, since there was no ammo in the gun. "God -- they thought we were Thelma and Louise!" I said.

catching up

Why do people still look at this page every day? There has been nothing new in several weeks. I am a bad person. But now many of you are rewarded!

So, mostly I'm just going along and trying to watch way too much TV every night. Because -- Olympics! And "American Idol"! And also getting my weekly hour of "Bleak House" (although next week is the two week finale and those of you not watching can rent or purchase the DVD)! Then there is the sad, sad, state of my TiVo, jam-packed with stuff that there just isn't enough time to watch.

I'm turning into a bad Olympics watcher. I'm only really watching the figure skating. I tried -- I fell in love with Shaun White, aka The Flying Tomato and I paid attention to some of the early speed skating. But then I just couldn't bear to watch any skiing or the crazy luge/bobsled/skeleton stuff. The figure skating makes me happy. There was the crazy French guy skating to James Bond-movie music in his tuxedo with 007 on the back in rhinestones and making a gun finger. Oh, that was very funny and I just gave over to the insanity and laughed through the entire thing. Pluschenko (or however it's spelled) and his crazy arms that flew off into the audience. (OK, not really. But wouldn't it have been fantasic if they had?) Johnny Weir and his crazy individuality and insistence in a spotlight piece that old fogeys should be frightened of him because he will do what he wants, when he wants, damn everyone else. Um, Johnny? You're a figure skater. No one cares what you say -- we just want you to do a quad, lots of triples, and look pretty. If you want anyone to take your ideas seriously, you might want to look into college or something. Otherwise, please try to make your bus and not be so pouty. Because Evan Lysacek had a horrible short and then skated a beautiful long while suffering from stomach flu. You just look like a whiny boy compared to that.

Then there was the carnage (I love Canadian announcers!) of the ice dancing competition. Everyone falling down! An Italian couple refusing to talk to each other because of a fall! Drama! Ugly, ugly costumes. The women's short program was fantastic and I'm looking forward to the free skate. Plus -- the exhibition!

Because of all the crazy TV watching, I am tired. But, this past Monday, we took the girls to this amusement-type place and had lots of fun. This place is mostly a lot of little playgrounds and then there are a handful of rides and it is completely stuck in the 50s or 60s. Lots of worn paint and the rides are incredibly lame. But the girls lovelovelove it. There is a dragon ride -- like a train, but it's a dragon -- that goes through a shady circuit around the park. There are all these little things along the route -- but they are totally cheesy. As I said to Archie, "I think this is where damaged lawn ornaments come to retire!" Little garden gnomes, rusty metal deer, two big plastic pandas among some bamboo. It would be completely sad except that all the girls just love it because they are so easy to please.

I was telling Archie that Universal studios is running a commercial where these 6 and 7 year olds are complaining about going to Disneyland (but without naming Disneyland) because they are too, too jaded and teacup rides and princesses and Winnie the Pooh characters are too babyish for sophisticated children, now. Our little trips to this kind of crappy place ensure that our kids will think Disneyland is the best place ever. Heh.

not a bleak house

I'm watching the Masterpiece Theater miniseries "Bleak House". (You should be watching it, and if not, rent the DVD which will come out in a few weeks. It's really, really good.) I just finished the first two hour installment and Lulu and ChaCha watched the last 10 or so minutes. Lou asked what it was about and I said it was about a court case and the lives of all the people the case has an effect upon. And that it's based on a book written by Charles Dickens which was published about 150 years ago.

And Charlotte said, "So, Charles Dickens is...a zombie?"

I think she might have a future career in literary theory. She's taken the whole dead white authors thing to a brand new level.

i have no reply to that

Archie got us Togo's sandwiches for dinner (shut up) and he got the girls these individual bags of mini sandwich cookies. Bebe and Lulu said they couldn't finish their cookies and wanted me to save them, so I put the bags on top of the fridge. But Cha was still eating her cookies and the twins decided they wanted their bags back. So I gave them the cookies.

Fast forward to a few minutes later and Lulu is crying that all her cookies are gone. Here is the conversation that followed:

Me: Of course they're gone -- you ate them.
Lulu: But I wanted to eat them tomorrow!
Me: Then you shouldn't have asked for the cookies.
Lulu: You should have stopped me from eating them! Wah!

You know what? The title of this post is a total lie. I did have a reply. "OK, it's time for bed!"

we could have won $10,000

I have a really shameful confession to make. I watch "America's Funniest Home Videos". I know, I know. But every Sunday, we have dinner, bathe all the girlies, and settle in for some laughs watching groin injuries, silly animals, and cute (and gross) baby antics. Ah, sweet family time.

Tonight, after our shameful TV viewing, I helped the girls brush their teeth. They got these suction cup toothbrushes at the dentist on their last visit. They're just regular toothbrushes, but at the end there is a suction cup. This is handy when preparing three toothbrushes -- put on some toothpaste and then stick it onto the vanity, awaiting use. (With normal, non-suction-y toothbrushes, they can roll if you try to balance them on the backs and then there is upset and bedtime is ruined. Ruined!)

So, I'm doing a follow-up brushing for Bebe and I glance over at ChaCha and I immediately started to laugh. She'd stuck her toothbrush to the wall and was standing on her tiptoes, brushing her teeth by moving her head around the toothbrush. Damn, I wish I'd had the video camera right then. It was hysterical.

I'm sure we would have won some big money on AFV. Heh.

more tv talk -- american idol

I really love "American Idol", as I wrote yesterday. I especially enjoy the audition shows -- I think they are some of the most entertaining moments on television right now. Archie does not share this love. Usually, he leaves the family room and goes into the office/guest room to escape. I often go back and make him come and watch particularly awful contestant hopefuls. (The only exception was the year George was a finalist and Archie actually watched some of the competition. Next to Kelly's big band performance in the first season, George's rendition of Elton John's "Take Me to the Pilot" was a big hit in our house. Then George had to go and do "Against All Odds", which I think we should all agree is a horrible song and it should be banned from all future AI installments. Archie would sit and grimace through almost all of the other performances just for George, but once he was gone, Archie lost all interest.)

So, last night, Arch was not amused when I interuppted his web surfing and told him he had to come and see an audition. But I was tricking him! I wanted him to see a really amazing singer; he was certain he was going to see a mentally disturbed person speak to the world through song and demonstrating to us all that madness takes many forms. Heh. I wanted him to hear Paris Bennett.

People, this girl can sing. Archie's jaw dropped a little. She's 17 and completely adorable. I think her audition is the best one in the history of the show. Archie and I agreed that her audition alone will probably generate interest in her, even if she doesn't get out of the early rounds in Hollywood. (And, unless we discover that ventriloquism was involved , I can't imagine that happening.) So, I'm going out on a limb and predicting that she's gonna take the whole shebang this season.

I'm sure I'll live to eat those words. But she was good.